etude of a menagerie on the milky way

a pretty satisfactory day. Went to the wildlife safari place, and saw cool animals and stuff. They were playing a crap ton of Disney songs, which improved the experience. After, we went to In-n-Out which had a freakishly short line. Talk about luck. Then, we went to Target, which parking lot had the pleasant smell of, well, In-n- Out assault my nostrils. Don't mean that as a negative thing. Oh, right, and Strawberry Fields Forever played on the radio. One of my favorites. Low-key sucks that we're most likely not going to Disneyland. But, who knows? Just glad we're in California in general 'cause I've been missing it. Keep on dreaming. 4-18-18☆ P.S. Having Strawberry Fields Forever play somewhere I've been since I was little and to go there waaay later is sort of a trip. Y'know, since that song's about childhood. (what does P. S. even mean anyway?)

So, here I am in the car, thinking, "what if we actually moved back here in California?" Sure, it might be a stretch, considering how expensive it is to live here. But, who knows? Maybe one day, I could be living down here, begging my mom for an annual pass for Disneyland. Just think of all of the things I've been wanting to do more often. Just having a shorter driving time to such beloved places, y'know, like In-n-Out, El Pollo Loco, Wienerschnitzel, and, well, Disneyland would be a total dream come true. And, California is such a big, beautiful state. It would be so cool to be that close to the coast. Just think of all of the road trip destinations! As of now, we're in Colusa, and I have no idea on what we're doing. Better not peak my anxiety... (Strawberry Fields Forever is playing again! Yay!) Speaking of strawberries, I think we're getting some right now! We did, and they're sooo good! Later, we went to a park with a bridge that was cool and totally peaked my fear of heights. My feet were practically dead at the end, but it was worth it. (My dreams and imagination want to move here, but reality says otherwise...) Keep on dreaming. 4-19-18☆ (I currently have that "That's All" song by Phil Collins stuck in my head... It was on the radio, so that's why.)

Alright, today was a pretty cool day. We went through the rest of Turtle Bay, which was mostly a museum. The non-museum part was outdoors, and all I remember is birds and a fun swing. We went to the gift shop there and I got a coffee cup squishy. There was a crap ton of wholesome merch, but it's too expensive... We went back north in Oregon, where we're staying at a pretty nice hotel near a river and some good food. We just recently went outside and there's so many stars visible. Here's hoping that the strawberries make it back home with us! Keep on dreaming. 4-20-18☆ (blaze it! heh.)

we just went out of Crater Lake, and it was most likely the most memorable part of this trip. There's snow everywhere, which we had to trudge through in order to look at Crater Lake itself. The best part was when we were walking to get food, and my brother threw a thing of snow that hit the back of my head. Then, this random guy came up to me holding a chunk of snow and even directed me to throw it back at my brother. I quietly thanked the dude for that. Then, we walked to the gift shop there and got food, drinks, and playing cards for me. Couple hours later, I just saw a Blockbusters and an Albertsons, both seemingly active. Definitely not something you see everyday. Couple more hours later, we're home. I thought that was gonna go on for 5 days instead of 4, but... I still enjoyed this vacation. The good part is that we're just in time for some good weather and the Splatoon 2 3.0 update. Going on this spontaneous road trip was so satisfying to my need of going to California. Next trip: a summer trip to Seattle. (?) Keep on dreaming. 4-21-18☆ (how about you make this a daily thing, huh?)

Today was actually warm here at home. I felt hella hungry today, since we didn't have any snacks. I rearranged my desk and for some reason my back hurt. Later, my mom came back with pizza and a total store haul, which luckily contained a good number of snacks, cuz watching something without eating something feels super bland. Oh, right. And I am still 90-something percent certain that I have ADHD. Seriously! I stim during happiness by shaking my fisted hands, I have crap attention span, I have crap memory, my internal monologue is going light-years per second, and I forgot the next thing I was gonna list. So, uh, that's proof. And all day, when we were back at home last night, I felt hella tired. And today I added a killer story idea that might help me continue writing Amethyst, since I'm still in the midst of that. Oh, right, and I get distracted easily. I also found this picture of Queen that totally looks like a Draw the Squad thing. Speaking of which, the Classic Rock fandom is so cool. Especially since I don't have any friends who like the same bands as me. That's one of the reasons why I don't have any friends in the first place. Chatting with friends and people in general is just so exhausting and so uncomfortable that I much rather be cooped up in my room, watching videos of other people doing friendly and social things so I don't have to go out but at the same time experience what it looks like. SAD and ADHD(?) just makes it impossible to stir up conversations with random people, and I'm way too scared to make an incoherent fool out of myself in front of people who are complete strangers and then not be able to sleep cuz I'm too busy with thinking of that. So, I just go through the smoother and less awkward route and not even try. (this is hella long, holy crap) The closest thing I do that's friendly and social is imagining myself showing things to people that I'll never, ever, ever meet who I actually look up to. Because, me? Being social? As in something I am deathly afraid of doing? Never gonna happen. But, still. You'll never know. Keep on dreaming. 4-22-18☆(make sure you keep on brushing your teeth everyday, OK?)

so today I started something that might just help my ADHD-riddled mind to do stuff. It's this point system where if I do tasks, I do points, and I use those points to get prizes like a snack or LP-watching time. Hopefully this works??? There was perfect weather today and I also got Starbucks. I added stuff that finished a chapter in Amethyst, and now I'm worrying. I have a meeting with the principal of my school tomorrow and I'm hella worried. If I'm lucky enough, my dad will mention my ADHD and the fact that I have it will hopefully change things, my crap grades will finally have a reasoning behind it, and the world will be good for once. I'm still also hella worried about that Net Neutrality thing. I don't wanna pay to chat with my dear friend from the other side of the country, and I definitely don't wanna pay to watch the LPs that I watch so often. Now I'm thinking of that one gas station near Redding, I dunno why. Maybe it's because it's near those houses with the typical Californian roof? Or maybe it's somewhere I've been when I lived in Santa Barbara. Man, wouldn't it be nice to live down there again. Okay, so it's late April and Splatoon 2 hasn't updated yet and it bothers me. Like, hurry up if you can cuz I'm hella impatient. Oh, and Octotune, a second Splatoon 2 CD is coming out in July and that's awesome cuz that ost is jamming. (Hightide Era better return or I am gonna riot.) Keep on dreaming. 4- 23-18☆ (my nose has been stuffy all day and it bothers me... )

today started hella hectic. (and I'm hella tired) So, I had that appointment that was supposed to breeze through. Until my dad went to the wrong school. I'm telling ya, that place is a danger zone after my SAD took over my mind for the worse. I overheard this one girl who was helping this super hideous kid with something, and the girl sounded like the total definition of FAKE. I didn't see anyone I recognized, thank god. Never again am I returning to that school. Never. Anyways, a hella great thing that I, uh, knew, I guess... Is that Splatoon 2 updated to 3.0 today and I'm enjoying seeing the new gear. Camp Triggerfish has this weird gap where a gap would be, and Hightide Era sadly did not return. Come on, Nintendo. You know you want to let the best Splatoon band return, right? I'm still praying. Oh, right, and the best part is that I saw the one gear item (a beret with the glasses I lovingly call the John Lennon glasses, because in 50% of pictures of him, he's wearing those kinda glasses) I wanted and it had the exact ability I wanted!! My day was made when I saw that. Let me just add that I loathe fake people, or those people who compliment you just to be nice. Like, guuurl, I know that I'm hideous. No need to start sugarcoatin' any lies. And get the hell away from me. That's why I stopped going to public school and why I have trust issues. That's all. Keep on Dreaming. 4-24-18☆

OK, so lemme just type up this school rant, cuz I'm hella proud of it when I first wrote it: "...For sure, I'm not going back to public school because I feel so uncomfortable, so anxious, so scared that somebody's gonna shoot up the school, because apparently that's becoming a terrifyingly occasional thing. That's why I stopped going in the first place. I might as well romp around and being my lackadaisical self at home until someone fixes this hell of a school system. Because my mental health and every student's mental health apparently doesn't matter to them. All they care about is grades, grades, grades. They need to know that every day, morning, night, there's students in tears, students going ill, students on the verge of killing themselves cuz they don't want to go through the pain of being tested on things that aren't necessary or things that will not become useful in daily life. This is why. This is why I stopped going through hell and back for unnecessary tests of perfection and started doing my own things by my own rather than going through 6-7 hours of constant pain, anxiety, and fear for the previous 9 years of my life for nothing. Enough. Is. Enough." Man, am I proud of that. I wonder if I have a point or not. Keep on dreaming. 4-27-18☆

today we went to Wal-Mart and it was so surreal. Africa by Toto was playing and it took forever to check out. May starts soon, yay! That means lots of beginnings and endings. And good weather. Someday I should just binge watch Pixar/Disney movies. That'd be fun. And, Mr. Emile started uploading again!! Man, I'm tired... I'll finish this off for today. Keep on dreaming. 4-29-18☆

today I just feel incredibly unmotivated and I have a headache so I'm just gonna sleep and lie down in bed. Why is that how it is, I wonder? Anyways, I had some kinda weird dream last night. So, I took some trip down south and stayed in this hotel with some tropical theme. The next morning I noticed that the water level rose up dramatically. I also noticed that there was a lone palm tree in front of me. I moved it around with my foot, and the rest of the dream that I remember included (what a weird word, included.) doing tasks for some holy figure. Anyways, I'm gonna take my medicine and then I'm gonna sleep. Keep on dreaming. 4-30-18☆